Yesterday I wrote about dangerous stories we tell ourselves and how it takes bravery to break that cycle. I also admitted that my most dangerous story right now is about my motherhood experience. My dear friend Polly texted me right after she read the entry yesterday and said “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours” lol…goes back to helping each other be brave right?
The biggest story that runs through my head goes something along the line “if only you had tried harder/been a better/more Christian mother, we wouldn’t be going through this struggle.”
Now I KNOW this is a lie. But you can KNOW something but NOT KNOW it in your heart right?
So how do we begin the process of breaking the unhealthy thought process…story telling?
I believe each story is different. Some will require a change in behavior. If you suck in the kitchen and you want a new story you might want to take some cooking lessons. But some stories also require a change in thought/speech patterns. FOR YEARS…I might not have always said it out loud but if you had great behaving kids I would think something along the lines “yeah…you and your perfect kids” – I’m not proud of it but I could even work up a resentment on my worse days. So for me…that thought is #1 banned from my speech…not allowed to say it out loud and #2 while I can’t control my thoughts, I can take them captive with Scripture…
2 Corinthians 10:4–5 says, For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,
While this section of Scripture is aimed at others, it can most certainly be applied to ourselves… “Here I am Lord. Do your demolishing work on me. Do your captive-taking work on me and my thoughts. Destroy in my mind any false thoughts that I have about you or my place in your Kingdom.”
#3 – stop taking my struggles personal. I heard a story yesterday about a guy taking off his prosthetic leg and placing it on the table while saying something like “this is obviously not something I would have chosen for myself…but here we are. What will my response be?”
But perhaps we need to make the decision not to take personally every challenge we face. Some trials might be of our making – our own bad choices – but plenty occur simply because we live on earth. God is not mad at you or me, and He is not punishing us. Challenges come to the good and the bad, to the just and unjust…they come to us all. They are not those elective courses we get to choose in college, but rather they are part of the core curriculum of life. Find Your Brave – Holly Wagner
Yes, absolutely – not what I would choose yet here we are. I can, however, choose my response.
It’s a journey right? It’s also about transformation. God has me – he’s culling, he’s shaping, he’s got me – I’ve gotta just keep showing up.
I’m chuckling to myself as I finish this up. I’m feeling Adult-ish. It’s all about growing up right? And when I say growing up I mean in maturity. I feel like at 46 some of this should be easier …but one story at a time.
Love y’all – DM