Two days ago I wasn’t sure I was going to do this challenge. Ironically called “The Crazy Things We Do” I sat on my couch at work and wondered (1) was this one of the crazy things we do (2) why did I even want to do this (3) what was even the purpose of doing it and then it digressed from there. I landed at some point feeling like I had no idea of what I was doing in any area, in all of my life.
How does one get here from there? One minute thinking about a passion and the next bemoaning all of one’s life?
It’s called ennui (pronounced on-we) – a gripping listlessness or melancholia caused by boredom; depression. Or a less fancy word – the blahs.
“I’ve Got A Feeling” by the Beatles
I’ve got a feeling, a feeling deep inside
Oh yeah, oh yeah, that’s right
I’ve got a feeling, a feeling I can’t hide
No no no, oh no, oh no
Yeah yeah I’ve got a feeling yeah
Uncomfortable feelings are, well, uncomfortable. Personally, I can’t stand them and tend to do whatever I can to avoid them and Friday was no exception. I kept fighting against my ennui – I judged it as bad and was determined to fight my way out. But then I didn’t even have the gumption to fight. And that’s where the crazy really kicked in. Why must we judge feelings as good or bad? Why do I expect myself to be 100% on all the time? Why do I compare my life to others and continue to come up short? And what in the world do I have to feel despondent for – my life is pretty amazing.
I woke up Saturday feeling better but not wholly back. I’m still tempted to define the feeling and figure out WHY I’m feeling this way…but does it really matter WHY? Will the why change anything? I think the only thing it’ll change is my sense of control…and we all know that control is merely an illusion.
Miss a day – read more “The Crazy Things We Do”