I woke this morning in a horrid, crabby mood. And while better this evening, I still have a edge to me. And I absolutely do not feel inspired to write on tonight’s topic of patience…at least nothing of worthiness. In fact, this is the second attempt since my first post disappeared. Errr.
According to The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament, a component of makrothumia (patience from the Holy Spirit):
self restraint before proceeding to action…patience in respect to persons
Not sure about you but crabby mood = wanting to bite of heads, eat my young, yell, scream and generally act unbecoming. And I don’t WANT to have self control. I don’t WANT to consider your feelings…I don’t CARE about mercy…I’m just pissed. I even had full length, ugly conversations in my head. How’s that for maturity.
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with PATIENCE, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:1-3 ESV)
Well I don’t WANT to walk in manner worthy of my calling. I just don’t.
Here’s my other quandary this evening…we have mercy for others because God has mercy on us. But how do we balance mercy and accountability? How to we have mercy but not become a doormat or a sucker?
Just like I can’t love (agape) like God, I can’t have patience (makrothumia) like God. Somedays, especially like today, I don’t WANT to have patience. I don’t WANT to walk in a way worthy of my calling. But even on good days it’s hard to bear with one another. But I’ve had those days where I blew my lid, said things I regretted and went to bed crying. That’s not any fun either. The fact is, some days are just hard and bedtime is the best moment. Other days are wonderful and spirit-filled…full of all kinds of hope and love. Maybe that’ll be tomorrow…
Fortunately, I was alone most of the day and don’t owe any apologies (thank goodness). As I write this entry, I am grateful that the extent of my sinful ways was all in my head and not out loud. I guess that’s progress and growth…and just plain good luck.
I pray tonight for peace of mind and for wisdom to discern a godly mercy…to maintain unity of the Spirit.
Come Holy Spirit – DM