A swirl of anger, frustration, fear, judgement met me the moment I opened my eyes this morning.
Then…THEN… I sit down for Bible study and get hit smacked right between the eyes – ugh.
The lesson began with 2 Timothy 3:10-17 and focused in particular on verse 14…
But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it.
But as for you…the rubber is meeting the road…time to walk the talk.
I’ll say it – I woke up sinning before my feet even hit the ground and got called out on it – no one likes to be called out – especially first thing in the morning – sigh.
Truth is – that while my walk thus far has yielded me a tamer tongue, those once often out loud conversations have simply been turned inward. I still say/think awful, angry things. My thoughts turn judgmental and are, without doubt, terrible. And lol – if you’re wondering if this blog entry is about you – it doesn’t matter – because today it could be about you but tomorrow someone else and the next tomorrow another. It was my reaction to the situation rather than the situation itself. The point is, this morning, I was allowing unchecked, unveiled, uncharitable thoughts to spiral around in my head – which will most definitely and eventually lead to an explosive verbal attack.
So what – where do we go from here…I’m called out but still mad.
Reading something and doing something are not the same. Transformation takes time but is not a passive waiting around. Thank God for good habits because THAT is the only reason I did my study this morning – I most certainly did not feel like it. Then there is the acknowledging my behavior – yep, I’m still a mess – and now y’all know it too. Also, who the hell am I to determine what is best? Don’t I believe in God? Then I must believe he is at work in other believers just as he is in work in me. And then prayer – even though nothing situationally has changed, I have a protecter and defender. I don’t have to fix this situation – I just have to address my own mess – keep my side of the street clean – and keep showing up. And finally, maybe keep the people interactions to a minimum until the wave has passed…stay out of trouble.
I have the tools – I have what it takes – I’ve just got to do it.
God’s servants must not be troublemakers. They must be kind to everyone, and they must be good teachers and very patient. 2 Timothy 2:24
To be a mighty servant, I MUST let God work in me and through me. I MUST surrender. And finally, gratitude for the lessons, for the situation, for the reminder to turn my thoughts and energy to Him.
xoxoxox – DM