Last week I talked about numbing bad or uncomfortable feelings and yesterday I talked about avoiding or diminishing good feelings – and with the feedback, there are many of you that can relate to both tendencies. So…what the heck…on paper, at least, it looks like we are afraid to feel. Or at a minimum, we want to control our feelings. Always comes back to control doesn’t it.
But is also has to do with the storytelling that goes on in our head – or narratives – say husband does something that hurts your feelings…doesn’t like the meal you cooked…but rather than own the hurt feeling and get curious about why your feelings were hurt – you just replay a story that you learned earlier in life about how you suck at everything including cooking. BTW, this is totally a fictional example because I really do suck in the kitchen but we all know this…lol.
“The goal of the rumble is to get honest about the stories we’re making up about our struggles, to revisit, challenge, and reality-check these narratives as we dig into topics such as boundaries, shame, blame, resentment, heartbreak, generosity, and forgiveness.” – Brené Brown
POINT is – we’ve gotta stop telling ourselves stories – confabulating – we’ve gotta get comfortable with feelings and even start exploring them, owning them, and mindfully responding.
This is where I am at on my journey – I want to own my story – I want the wholeness – all of it. But that means I’ll also have to own the bad as well. The more I open myself to wholeness the more I’ll be exposed to the hard stuff – but I am totally okay with that…today at least.
And that, there, is the deal…TODAY. I’ve got to decide every single day what I am willing to do. You can’t just decide one morning “yeah, I’ll be brave” – nope, it’s like Watt on Success – Success is Leased and Rent is due EVERY DAY.
Bravery must be chosen again and again. Fear must be overcome again and again.
But why even bother with bravery? Because we cannot be whole without bravery – without the skills and willingness of owning our stories – the good and bad – we’ll remain a shell of who we were created to be. And our willingness to explore and own our stories gives others permission to own their story.
I’ll leave you with a final quote from Brené Brown in Rising Strong – it’s from the Rumble chapter – the chapter where we learn to look at the stories we currently tell ourselves and learn to look at them with fresh eyes, honesty, and I know you’re tired of hearing brave so let’s say courage…
The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness. We must reclaim the truth about our lovability, divinity, and creativity.
My most dangerous story I tell myself has to do with my motherhood experience – and this rumbling process has truly been a gift on that front. We still rumble, God and I, but it’s now with my eyes and heart open to grace, hope, and wholeness.
What about you? What dangerous story do you tell yourself – where is your inherent worthiness taking a hit?
Love y’all – xoxox – DM