I’m getting older…yep…and frankly it’s for the best. I shudder looking back at my younger self…sometimes not even recognizing that person any longer. Today, I am a gentler person. I used to scoff at the idea of gentleness, but today, I strive for it. So what is happening?
Anyone else cringing? Why is bowing down so damn hard? Good grief…it’s the Lord of universe…why wouldn’t you bow? Because if you’re like me, you don’t always see it as bowing down to God, but rather the person or situation that you find so appalling. Or, perhaps, you really do feel like you know better than God…or even if you acknowledge that you’re being a fool, you’re willing to face whatever consequences that may arise out of your behavior and/or decision.
A life surrendered to REAL power requires great HUMILITY!
And great humility is not something we can accomplish on our own. It requires the filling of the Holy Spirit…and just not surface filling…but in all the deep, dark parts of our soul. I’ve got the surface Christianity going on. I go to church, I read my Bible, I pray, I surrender some things…especially if they are particularly painful. BUT, I can tell you that I have NOT sincerely and humbly invited the Holy Spirit into my deepest, darkest places in a long, long time…until the beginning of this study. And even then, it was more words than action. Probably, because I didn’t know how damn hard it’d be to really let God into some of those places! And letting him in is just the first step…
To really be transformed we must first acknowledge that we must change (humility)…we must be willing to change (more humility) and then we must do it (the most painful kind of humility). But in order to change, we must let God clean us out (ugh, more humility)…to discover wounds and mend us. It takes a lot of time and effort…time and effort that I’m not always willing to take. Seriously. But what’s the alternative? It’s kinda like the movie The Matrix…once you know the truth, it’s impossible to go back. I KNOW that a life surrendered to REAL power is so much better…but I also know that I can’t just surrender once. I can’t just spend a week in reflection and healing once. It’s got to be layers, it’s got to be a habit, it’s got to be on a daily basis. It’s got to be an intentional part of my work.
So what does this have to do with gentleness?
Imagine a life without pushing and shoving, worries about comparisons, worries about being a doormat, scrambling to get my own way, being prideful even towards God…wow.
I sincerely want to have a spirit of gentleness…to be calm in the storm…my life surrendered to REAL power…to bow down with sincerity and a correct attitude…and to feel His pleasure and his grace. But I can also say that I am scared of those words. I am fearful where they may take me. But that my friends will have to be another post for another day.
Amen – DM